My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
