Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
