i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
