I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
