there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
