I'm gonna have a badass scar
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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