I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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