I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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