At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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