i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
