singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I love having hate sex.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
