I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
