im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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