she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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