Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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