Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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