weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize