i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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