i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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