She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
is wine microwaveable?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
