ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
