Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
