singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
