I CAN MOONWALK!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
