census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
