Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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