so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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