come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
