I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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