I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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