Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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