Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
