My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize