You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
