Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
