Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Randomize
