My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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