3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
