Rock
Scissors
Fuck
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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