Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
