Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize