Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
