Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
