On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
