When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
