What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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