dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
