My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
