I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
