I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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