I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
