I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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