Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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