I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
