got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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