Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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