I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
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