We won't sleep together?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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