So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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