This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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