K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
