He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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