There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
